How long have you been working with engaged and married couples and how did you become mentors?

We were married on August 8, 1987 and have been blessed with 7 children here and 3 waiting for us in heaven. Well, raising those 7 children took a lot of time and energy as you  might imagine, so when we were finally in a place that we could literally start to breathe and take more time for each other, we found a lot of benefit and enrichment after we attended a Marriage Encounter Weekend in June of 2008. Shortly after that, we started working with engaged couples.  After repeatedly receiving positive feedback from engaged couples going through marriage preparation in the Catholic church who were inspired by our story, we decided to also work with engaged couples who were equally committed to a life-long union but decided on a destination wedding or some other venue for their vow exchange.

We have been committed to the covenant we made on our wedding day, have weathered the little storms that married life can bring.  We weren’t quite prepared for the whopper that blew our way 17 years into our marriage when repressed memories of Vicki’s past sexual abuse began surfacing.  With our perseverance and faith, what could have destroyed our union, instead made our bond even stronger.  It is our desire to help other couples thrive through whatever storm blows their way.  When you get married, you say, “For better or for worse,” and when “the worse” comes, we want to help couples stick it out and come out on the other side stronger and more in love and possibly even grateful for that which made them stronger.

Who are your clients?

We work with engaged or married couples who are dedicated to keep their marriage strong and God-centered.  Those who believe that when they have a disagreement don’t think, “IF they are going to work it out, but HOW they are going to work it out.”

  • engaged couples planning a destination wedding
  • engaged couples who have already attending an engaged preparation weekend within a church setting but want to “stack the deck” in their favor
  • engaged couples who have been living together before they got married
  • engaged couples who have not lived together before they got married
  • engaged couples where one or the other partner has been married before and don’t want to make the same mistakes that contributed the first marriage not succeeding
  • engaged couples who know that one member has survived the trauma of sexual abuse and want to have a good, even great marriage despite that fact

  • couples married 1 month
  • couples married 1 year
  • couples married 5 years
  • couples married 10 years
  • couples who like what they see in us and would like to know our “secrets.”
  • couples who just discovered that one member is a sexual abuse survivor and not sure what to do now
  • couples who wonder if anything in their past may be contributing to the trouble they are having now and are willing to work through it to be better and stronger, individually and together

 

What makes you different from other couples who have authored books and speak and do workshops?

We are really in love with each other and it shows when we interact.  It is magnetic.  We are transparent when we tell our story and people love that vulnerability.  We share our struggles, talk about what you might be experiencing and offer practical guidance and tools that you can use in your own marriage.

Plus, we know what it is to experience the effects that past sexual abuse has had in our marriage. We know what it feels like from the survivor’s side of the story and we know what it feels like from the supporter’s side.  And we offer tips and support from BOTH angles.  We like that we have the personal experience, talk open and freely about it and offer guidance and hope to each couple that they can get through it.  We are living proof of that!

Plus, we have a big family that gets along well (most of the time) and that is intriguing to couples who are not sure about children and everything that goes along with when to have children and how to afford them and such.  Lots of couples are looking for mentors but embarrassed or afraid to admit it or maybe they don’t have positive marriage models in their lives.  We considered it a great compliment that the friends of our kids always wanted to hang at our place and lots looked at us as their parents too.

We are older and have lots of life experience to share but not so antiquated that we are out of the loop.  We sentimentally consider those we work with as “our kids.”  and you’ll feel that, like it and respond well to that!

What type of personalities do you work the best with and what is expected of us?

We work best with people who are committed to each other and to keep their marriage the best it can be.  We expect confidentiality, commitment, openness and effort.

Confidentiality on both parts as very personal private things may be shared and not meant for sharing or ending up on social media.

Commitment to stick it out and not plan on giving up and calling it quits.  We have repeatedly found that when you are in the heat of it, when you feel like you wish you would have never started, when you feel like giving up, if you just take ONE MORE STEP, you get over the hump.   We are looking for people willing to take ONE MORE STEP.

Openness to be willing to be vulnerable to get to a deeper level and clear out the crap and replace it with better.

Effort to put the time and energy in, as well as utilize the resources necessary to improve your relationship.

For what type of relationships will this type of coaching not work?

It will not work if either party is blaming the other for their circumstances.  We have found time and time again that the more we work on OURSELVES, the better our relationship is. Couples not willing to look at themselves personally and take responsibility of what they have done that may have caused some of the issues will not gain benefit from working with us.

It is also NOT for those who have no money coming and are absolutely, financially desperate, at least not right away.  It’s been our experience that people in financial crisis do not have the mindset to trust the recommendations we give them and do not do the work (probably because they spend so much time worrying about where they are going to get next month’s rent check or mortgage payment.)  If you fall within this category, it’s absolutely OK.  We’ve all been in times of financial crisis at one point or another.  However, until you are willing to change something to get a different result, nothing else will change.  Do yourself 3 favors:

  1. Get some money coming in or rework your budget, and then call us. This will take the edge off and provide a little more peace of mind.  Mostly, it will de-clutter your minds enough to focus on our coaching sessions and followup self-help work between sessions.
  2. Sign up to receive our free prayer cards with the prayer Vicki wrote:  “God’s Plan of Sheer Goodness.”   These complimentary prayer cards will get you started toward shifts in thinking until you are ready to work with us one-on-one, or even in a group setting.
  3. Make it a point to get our Free E-Book of The Marriage Alphabet.  Start to apply just one letter a week.   It may just give you a different perspective.

Doing these 3 things will really help you get primed for our work together.  When you are ready, call us and we can figure out what session package works best to get you started.  (We are in no rush and will be here when you need us.)

If only one person is interested in working on and improving their relationship, then working with us as a couple may only cause resentment and division.  However, if that is the case, with the tools that we have, one person committed to working on themselves can only have positive effects on the relationship.  If that is the case, Vicki works individually with clients and you can find out more about her services here.

Other types of personalities that we won’t work with (without exception) are the whiners, “I am a victim”, “Poor me”  or self-righteous, arrogant, know-it-all types of individuals.

We gently and respectfully ask that you not call and we hope you understand why.  We’ll probably just not work well together and we wouldn’t want you to waste your time or money.  Is that fair?

Does this really work?

Yes!  The result of our work will permeate you entire life including your marriage and friends and probably EVERYONE you come in contact with.  We have experienced  first hand as our relationship and household became more fun, pleasant, interactive and peaceful.

As you peel each layer you will experience a level of contentment that is permanent.  Aspects may rise up and need to be cleared but the work done in a session together stays done.

Also, we are going to be teaching you a self-help tool so you literally have the resource at your fingertips.

What results can we expect?

  • Big breakthroughs
  • Aha moments
  • Freedom from guilt
  • Ability to take action and start enjoying God’s plan of sheer goodness for you personally and in your relationship
  • More peace and compassion
  • Discovery of your authentic self
  • Connecting with who God created you to be
  • Loving and taking care of yourself and each other
  • More grace and ease in your life
  • Deeper intimacy and meaning in your marriage
  • Ending the drama cycles and patterns
  • Raising of your self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Developing more compassion with yourself and each other
  • Mastering a self-help tool that you have access to whenever you need it
  • Learning how to use it for your children
  • Releasing self-sabotaging behaviors
  • Letting go and release of trauma in the body

How quickly can we expect results?

That depends on quickly you make those inner shifts.  Are you working with us in group settings or individually as couple-to-couple? Most who work with us are amazed at how quickly they get to an Aha moment that is permanently transforming, even at the first session.

How can we guarantee ourselves that we will get the most benefits from our coaching sessions?

Be committed to yourselves and your marriage.  Understand that this is a process, a proven one, that works, especially if you use it daily.  Couples that have applied the techniques have successfully released many limiting beliefs for themselves, which undoubtedly affected their relationship and did in much less time than they would have on their own or in group settings.

Tom and Vicki, based on everything we’ve read and heard about you, we know you’re the ones we want to work with.  What are our options for getting started with you?

Congratulations on making a decision to make your marriage the best it can be by not saying, IF you are going to work everything out but HOW.  We are so happy to work with you to help you remove blocks that are preventing you from connecting you with God’s plan of sheer goodness for you personally and for your marriage.  One of the best ways is through our one-on-one or couple-to-couple coaching sessions, in person, on the phone or via zoom.  Here are some of the results you can expect.

  • Big breakthroughs
  • Aha moments
  • Freedom from guilt
  • Ability to take action and start enjoying God’s plan of sheer goodness for you personally and in your relationship
  • More peace and compassion
  • Discovery of your authentic self
  • Connecting with who God created you to be
  • Loving and taking care of yourself and each other
  • More grace and ease in your life
  • Deeper intimacy and meaning in your marriage
  • Ending the drama cycles and patterns
  • Raising of your self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Developing more compassion with yourself and each other
  • Mastering a self-help tool that you have access to whenever you need it
  • Learning how to use it for your children
  • Releasing self-sabotaging behaviors
  • Letting go and release of trauma in the body

OK, I’m ready to do this, but we have a couple of additional questions.  Can we call you?

Good!  Sounds like you’re ready to have the best marriage possible!  Yes, if you have a couple of questions, just fill out the information HERE and we will get back to you to walk you through the different options to see which one will be the very best for you.  We can’t wait to have you experience life to the fullest with the person you picked to spend the rest of your life with and we are honored to the be ones to help you.  Let’s get started!

Tom and Vicki